Grief and loss, love

Book 4 in The Apostle John series is progressing well. I stopped to start a quick ‘how-to’ guide for the computer beginners REAL beginners, in the class I teach two times a month. I think it will have to be a ‘full-blown’ manual, covering all the things they have asked.

It’s like faith. Those of us who know often forget how puzzling it was at the start.

Before I head back to my manuscript, I wanted to share with you something that appeared on my Facebook wall. Any of you who have lost someone precious in your life will recognize what this ‘old man’ has written. Oddly, it came at a time when, triggered by a sermon, I was again aware, and very grateful, to my God, Who is always ‘here’.

Tears·I still feel the pain of the loss

I still remember how many times a day I had to take my tears and my pain to God

I still remember the love, of and for the special man who went before me…


Included in an article/content by Bobby Popovic (Link at the end) was something written by one who described himself as ‘old man’.

What he said seems to encapsulate grief.

I’m old. What that means is that I’ve survived (so far) and a lot of people I’ve known and loved did not.

I’ve lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can’t imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here’s my two cents…

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. But I never did. I don’t want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don’t want it to “not matter”. I don’t want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it.

Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can’t see.

As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too.

If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

You will find the full article here…


An encouraging thought…

grief, track recordNo loss is like YOUR loss

No grief is like YOUR  grief

We all heal at our own pace.

I have come to realize the truth of the saying that ‘we only feel great loss where there is great love.’






2 thoughts on “Grief and loss, love

    • susanprestonbooks

      Thank you Shreya. I will head off to your blog… THEN must go back to writing book 4. (If you want to know what I write about please visit my website )
      Enjoy your blogging 🙂

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